Monsters among us

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

When I started writing about my cancer journey, I likened my cancer to a monster that had caught me. At the time, it seemed like a monstrous thing.  It was dark and ominous, and I did not know if I could make it retreat. I tried very hard to keep shining a light on it to make it seem less scary, but I will admit that it was not always easy, and the batteries in my monster flashlight required constant recharging. Were it not for my yoga and mindfulness practices, I don't know what I would have done.

Over time, through quiet meditation, I began to realize that the monster was not something outside of myself.  It was me. It was my own cells that were causing me trouble. And so I had to think about my cancer in a whole new way.  I knew that I could try to eradicate it completely, but the funny thing about cancer is that it will keep popping up. Our bodies are always producing cancer cells. Most of the time, we can keep them in check. But if we ignore things for too long, the cancer can build.  If we aren't consistently mindful of our thoughts and actions, our stress can fuel the fire that make cancer cells ignite and grow.  If we aren't mindful of what we put in and on our bodies, we can make our inner terrain more hospitable to cancer.

I see what is happening in our country as white supremacists bring their monstrous hate into our public spaces, and I think about how it is so much like cancer.  Cancer is a cell that was once good but that, through lack of something important, goes wrong. I don't know just what that cancer cell is missing, but it clearly is not behaving the way it was designed to. I think about these men and women who marched with hate in their hearts and fire in their hands and I know that this is not how they were designed to be.  We are not born to be filled with hate. We are not born to be angry and judgmental.  We are not born to believe that some of us are better than others. We are born to be loved. We are born to give love and born to receive love. But somehow, these people have been filled with so much fear that is has resulted in anger and hate.

And so I wonder why these men and women are so afraid. What is missing in their lives that they feel the need to lash out in anger?  I do not understand them, but I imagine they feel justified. I am sure they feel their survival is at stake, somehow. And so in fighting their imagined monsters they have become monsters themselves.

We cannot ignore the monster or it will grow.  We must somehow change our societal terrain so that the monster can be transformed. I don't know just how, but I do know that monsters can be tamed. They can be transformed by shining the light upon them and by recognizing that they are not something other than us. They are part of us. They need our love and compassion because we get reflected back to us what we put out.

I'm going to meet their hate with love, because I don't want to become a monster myself.